Friday, September 19, 2014

My Other Self

This new plan was going great Other Self realized how great it was going.  My Other Self (OS) is afraid of success.  I put in a few hours an afternoon this week, editing the India book.  Parts of it were wonderful and a few chapters brought tears to my eyes (in a good way).  I could see this being a good book and maybe done in a few months.

Yesterday, when I sat down to write, my OS came out.  Without me realizing it, she had been having some doubts.  What if I finish this next book and publish it - and it flops?  Or gets bad reviews?  And then I discover that maybe I shouldn't be writing.  Maybe my calling is not to write.  Maybe I'm just a one hit wonder.  So, wouldn't it be better not to finish and never know?

She wanted me to sort my coupons instead.  Then, to find a new knitting project to start.  Then, horror of horrors, do more cleaning.  Anything to distract me from working on my book.

For awhile I humored my OS.  Because what's one day?  But when I went to do the other things that she wanted me to do, they didn't feel right or even satisfying.  I felt twitchy.  The minutes ticked by slowly until finally I told my OS that I needed to do a little editing at least.

My OS sighed deeply and crossed her arms.  While I was editing, she wasn't very encouraging.  "It's too much work.  You'll never finish it.  And who would want to read this drivel, anyway?"  But I continued until I had edited through another chapter.  It wasn't perfect, I'd have to give it another go later.  But I overrode my OS.

I've seen my OS come out in other areas of my life, too.  She says she's looking out for me, to protect me.  Her goal is to sabotage my success.  Because if it doesn't work out, then the dream is dead.  Just when things start to go well, she pops up with distractions or doubts.

Well, I'm onto her more than I have before.  Though it would be easier to believe what she says and take no risks, that's not what life is about.  Capturing dreams require risks.  It's time for my OS to take a backseat or better yet, get out of the car.

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